then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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