Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
