So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
