he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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