i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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