I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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