Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
