Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
