The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize