They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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