The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
