I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
