Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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