An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
