lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
