In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
