Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
