im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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