this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
