I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
