Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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