you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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