Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
