why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
