There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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