just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
