I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
