Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
