seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
