why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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