im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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