I only kidnapped one of them. chill
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
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She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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