i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
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I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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