I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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