Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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