Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
