i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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