great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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