just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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