I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
