butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
