just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you had me at cake vodka
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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