drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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