Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
