No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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