You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
