i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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