Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
