I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
