K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
not ubering you a puppy
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
