note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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