are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
