there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
