my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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