i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
