So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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