Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am mentally ready for anal.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
