I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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