I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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