So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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