New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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