I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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