she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
