you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
