oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
