I think I am morally bankrupt
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Dear god my vagina.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
